Everyone, at some point in their life, has been hurt by someone else. The deepness of the wound varies and, in some instances, can feel impossible to forgive.
Maybe you were constantly criticized by a parent growing up, cheated on by your spouse, physically or emotionally abused in an relationship, passed up for a job opportunity that you desired greatly … hurt so bad, that it has done damage to your core.
These hurts can leave one feeling bitter, angry and resentful.
When we are left feeling this way, it can be challenging to see the situation from any other standpoint than through the eyes of a victim, but if you do not practice some level or forgiveness, your life will suffer, and you will pay dearly long after the event(s) have passed.
Why practice radical forgiveness?
Have you ever noticed someone who was very bitter? Do they look happy, like they are enjoying life?
No judgement here, it’s just that from my view, I have seen people who are bitter and resentful, most of them holding onto past hurts and failures, and what I noticed is that they find it very easy to find everything that is going wrong instead of what is going right.
Being hurt by someone, especially someone you loved and trusted, can cause tremendous, pain, sadness and confusion. We may not know how to deal with those feelings that we are left with, but the trouble lies in dwelling on the hurtful event or situation. When we hold a grudge and let the seeds of resentment take root, we can be filled with more negative feelings, drowning out the positive and may even find ourselves swallowed up by our own bitterness and sense of injustice.
Radical Forgiveness enables us to release anger, blame and resentment. It shows us how to let go of control and surrender to life in the moment, so we can allow ourselves to heal.
Through radical forgiveness, our relationships improve, problems dissolve, we become more loving towards other people, and most importantly, more loving towards ourselves.
Love is the highest vibration that exists. When we choose to come from a place of love and understanding, that’s when miracles begin to happen.
Let me share with you my story of radical forgiveness …
When I was just 14 years old, my Mom, whom I loved dearly, had a break down and walked out on our family. She wanted me to go with her, but I wasn’t willing to leave my 2-year-old little brother behind.
This was devastating, for me, and for my mother.
My life was in complete turmoil. I became a reckless teenager, wild, seeking love and acceptance, many times in the wrong places.
My mother, who had never touched a drug in her life, became an addict, and came in and out of my life for the next 20+ years. I let this traumatic series of events take root on the inside, I mean, how could I not? I was young, vulnerable, and without a lot of guidance.
Fortunately, I married my best friend and was blessed with four beautiful, happy, healthy children.
Everything was great for the most part, but the seeds of anger, resentment and hurt on the inside would rear their ugly heads every now and again. The trauma I experienced as a child and ongoing into adulthood, caused me to create a huge barrier around my heart. It left me feeling unworthy and the deeper I stuffed my feelings, the further I found myself from my true, authentic self. Out of balance, stressed and unable to fully express myself or enjoy life to the fullest.
The stress of it all came crashing in on me and that is when I had my awakening moment and many aha moments that followed, changing the course of my life forever.
I, like so many of us, get to a point of choice. Whether to heal and to grow — or to be right!
If I made the choice people normally make, I could choose to stay the victim and always see my mother as in the wrong, which, in turn, allowed me to be right and to continue to justify all my pain and sorrow.
Or, I could choose to move into forgiveness by recognizing that the experience was offering me a wonderful chance to heal.
This may sound strange to some but stay with me here.
Choosing radical forgiveness allowed me to view my mother as a small child and to see through her eyes the pain and suffering that she had gone through, never fully healing from her own traumatic events and situations that she had experienced in her life.
My change in perception allowed me to fill my heart with love for my mother, breaking down the walls around my heart that I had built over the years.
This lead me to a greater understanding, far greater than my mother and myself, that any person who has commit a hurtful act has most often, been deeply hurt themselves in someway.
This expansion of my awareness and changing of my perception has radically changed my life. It has allowed for me to feel more love and compassion not only for my mom and for others around me, but most importantly, for myself.
I now believe that this life event and others that followed led me to my amazing husband Wes. Without him I wouldn’t have the wonderful family that I love and cherish so much. The trauma that I experienced drove me to become the best parent and wife that I could be. It gave me strength that I may have otherwise not discovered.
I have become very passionate about radical self-love and self-acceptance and living a good life, sharing with others what I’ve learned on my journey in hopes to awaken in them what was awakened in me.
Radical Forgiveness can help in these areas:
Lessen anxiety, stress and hostility.
Create healthier relationships
Lower blood pressure
Improved heart health
A stronger immune system
Improved over all health and well-being
Frees us from negative events of the past
Enhances our capacity to trust others
Frees us from negative events from the past
Increases feelings of love
After practicing radical forgiveness, I am now able to view the situations and events in my life as part of my healing journey on my path to expanding my spiritual growth and development and becoming my very best self.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done but can lessen the grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Remember, hurt people hurt people and create a ripple effect of more hurt. Wouldn't you rather create a ripple effect of love?
Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
So how do we move from suffering to forgiveness?
1. Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life.
2. Identify what needs healing, who needs to be forgiven and for what.
3. Consider joining a support group or hiring a coach to guide you through this process.
4. Acknowledge your emotions and the harm done to you and how it affects your behavior, then work to release them.
5. Choose to forgive the person who has offended you.
6. Move away from your role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.
7. Practice Empathy. Try seeing the situation from another person's point of view.
8. Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
9. Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
10. Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
Be aware that forgiveness is a process, and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life, in the areas of peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing, rather than focusing your expectations on the other person to change.
Radical forgiveness will enrich the quality of your life and enhance your connection with others. Opening up in this way also allows a deeper connection to our higher self, discovering untrue beliefs about ourselves and about our world. This shift in energy can begin the process of awakening us to who we really are and discover what life is all about. A willingness to accept that there may be a greater purpose to certain events creates an unshakeable faith in that everything happens for a reason and to always be seeking the good in every situation.
Radical forgiveness starts with asking yourself the question, "Am I willing to look at this situation differently?" The simple act of willingness can open the door to radical forgiveness, begin the healing process and make room for more love in your life.
To learn more about how I can support you on your journey to discovering your best self, take the time to book a 0ne-on-One free Clarity Call with me here. You can also call (403)331-7687 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Yours in Peace, Love and Freedom,
Marci an Integrative Health Coach who Specializes in positive Life Transformations. She wants to guide you to have more confidence, live an authentic and purposeful life & really connect to your inner power, get healthy inside & out and live a limitless life of complete joy, freedom and happiness. She is happily married to her high school sweetheart for 22 years and a mother to 4 beautiful children. Marci believes that life is to be enjoyed & laughter is always the best medicine. Marci is passionate about teaching people to value their health and freedom. She is a Certified Health Coach, Blogger & NWM Professional.
Her mission: To help you 'Live Your Best Life Now'!